He was afraid to hurt me, he says
How funny it was when I’ve already bled
When all the blood and tears have dried
And there’s nothing left except a sigh
He couldn’t look me in the eye
He was red from shame and blue from all his lies
His hazel eyes turned to glass
That shattered what I once was
He killed me with what he called love
While he stood over me and watched
How I slowly bloomed one last time
With last hopes that he could be mine.
Flowers stop blooming,
Once it has bloomed,
The rain stops pouring,
After it has poured.
You grew a garden in my heart,
You made it rain love,
You saved me from harm,
Until the thunder finally struck.
Lightning made me numb,
Raindrops made me frigid,
I can’t hear my heart’s thrum,
And the garden is now flooded.
You were my saving grace,
Then I lost my faith,
Hope buried me to my grave,
When love was too faint.
Leave me in this chaos,
Where the ground is barren,
Overgrown with vines and moss,
Where your love is poison.
Whenever my name escapes your lips, you make it sound so sweet
Like I’m the only one out there when there are millions with the same name everywhere
Your fingers brush my skin, you make it feel like I was struck by lightning
Electric currents rush through my veins, when all you did was brush hair off my face
And when I look at you my heart forgets to beat, you make it so hard to breathe
You voice is the sweetest melody in my ear as you shush my every fear
Every scar is forgotten and I am reborn again in heaven.
You make me smile in my sleep, even when you’re miles away from me
Every day, every moment, is a journey across the world to you
Every day, every moment, is a promise to you
That one day I can sleep right beside you
That one day I can make you happy the same way you do
Until that one day, we’ve both made it through.
For now, I watch as our love grows and blossoms; multiplies and doubles
I watch the world rotate on its axis, while our love remains timeless
I watch rain fall above our heads, and smile because we know it ends
I watch you from a distance and yet my heart lays right in your hands
In the meantime I’ll live without a heart while we are apart
But never for once think my love will ever be lost.
I might forget every now and then, about all the promises I made inside my head
Some days are hard with you gone, and there’s nothing to hang-on
I still believe in you and me, and that one day it all will be
We’ve gone so far, following the stars
One day we’ll walk the same path, as if we were never apart.
I listen to sad songs when I’m already sad. I let it consume me and bounce on my every wall –reverberating the sadness until I don’t feel it anymore. I close my eyes and let myself get used to the pain, slowly going numb after holding on cold ice. My skin turning pale, my throat going dry, until there no more tears in my eyes.
That’s how I cope. I write about my sadness and get used to the dark. I let my eyes adjust after waiting awhile. Soon I’ll navigate in complete total darkness, and find my way, not to bright place, but to an even deeper, darker alcove.
I pull on my heartstrings, and strum a melancholy tune. No one can hear me in here. The world continues to rotate and revolve, the plants continue to grow. I don’t yearn for light anymore. I’ve learned to love the darkness like everything else I’ve learned to love. I’ve learned to love pain, and I even beckon it to me.