The Only Girl in the Wold

MY RATING: 5 STARS

I came across many books that talk about pain and grief, and I enjoy reading books like these because it exposes me to my own pain. Masochistically, it’s my way of coping. However, I have never connected with a book the way I’ve connected with Maude Julien’s The Only Girl in The World.

She tells her story how she remembers it. I find it fascinating how she can relive such nightmares and write them all down so boldly. I on the other hand, hide behind poetry that subtly relay my emotions and even denying myself a journal that would honestly portray my feelings and thoughts.

“I feel as if my whole life is just one and the same day,
An arid, endless, merciless day.
I’m chained to my schedule like an ox to a cart.
I pull with all my strength, but I don’t understand,
Or think, or ask any questions.
I hardly even breathe.”

The book is about Maude’s childhood in the hands of her father’s ideals and expectations. Much like every one of us has had to endure, she tries her best to become a good daughter. Following every instruction obediently even without the slightest appreciation. For years, she has lived in a world without love, hope and all the good things life has to offer. Yet she knows compassion, empathy, and hope like I’ve never seen in anyone before.

She was told how cruel the world is, how people are full of treachery. She herself experiences the cruelty of mankind even in isolation. For the first time, I grabbed a pen and wrote the truth:

“Dear Maude,
I am just like you.”

Maude is trained with ridiculous ways to overcome mankind’s weaknesses. Fear in particular. She is locked up in the cellar randomly at night with rats scurrying on her feet –cold and afraid, a mere child. She was taught Latin, German, arithmetic; she was forbidden to show any emotion on her face , a mere child.

“The earth is full of weak, cowardly people
driven to treachery by their weakness and cowardice.”

I went in reading this book blind. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even read the plot, and for this reason I refuse to write a summary of the plot in this book review. You must read it without knowing what to expect. You must submerge yourself in cold water, the way she has done.

I am amazed at her tight grasp of hope, and in turn it gives me the same knowledge. It lets me know that even in the darkest places, you can still see. You can still find the exit and run towards the life you want.

“Life is stronger than anything else,
There is always a solution, and I will find it.
I’m sure of that.”

 

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The Fact of a Body: Book Review

 

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The Fact of a Body by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich

My Rating: 5 stars

Things break us, but they make us too.

The Fact of a Body had me completely undone. I related to this book more than I’ll ever dare admit. It is just so beautiful that you can feel the flurry of emotions just enveloping you wherever you are, whether you’ve gone through such a horrible thing or not. I think this book is for everyone. It gives light to what happened, what happens, and what keeps on happening.

Children are so precious and still so fragile. They’re still freely sculpted by their environment. This book talks about cause and effect. Will a child molested become a pedophile and do the exact same thing? Is it all a process that keeps repeating itself? I believe that everyone has a capability to break out of their molds and eventually children grow up and do exactly that. The process isn’t easy, but it does come naturally.

The past greatly affects us in every way. Be it our actions, our words; whoever we become is all because of what happened. Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich is the epitome of strength, bravery and love. The levels of empathy people can be capable of is simply amazing. The final chapters was simply beautiful. Love wins after all, it’s why it hurts.

I’ll admit I was more interested in the memoir part than the murder case, although you just feel how it’s related. I honestly did not expect the flood of emotions. I went into this blind. I didn’t read the synopsis or any other reviews. Something just called to me when I saw this book. The voice was so loud, it resonated in every word and filled me completely. I had to stop every now and then to catch my breath. I’m at awe at how Alexandria made something so repulsive and horrible into something so beautiful.

The Fact of a Body perfectly depicts the beauty of our flaws. Five stars, and that’s not me being biased. I have never been held by someone’s words so much that I won’t ever get out of it. Alexandria’s words will stay and linger. If she can confront her demons head on, so can we all.

The Sky Changes by The Hour

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Beneath a Scarlet Sky by Mark Sullivan

My Rating: 4 Stars

Beneath a Scarlet Sky captivates your interest. It forced me to ask questions that I later had to find answers to. The preface felt a bit desperate…sorry, but it did pique my interest. Actually when I first heard about this book, I really wanted to read it so much that I couldn’t wait for the publishers to grant my request and so I went ahead and bought it on Amazon. I must still thank Lake Union Publishing however, for granting me an advanced reader’s copy, though a bit late.

This book is about life’s abrupt changes and how we handle them when hope, just like other necessities become scarce and even forgotten. Pino Lella is your typical teenager up until he’s tasked to save Jews from Germans, carry the swastika and unexpectedly become a spy for the partisans. At times of war, it’s a constant choice between ourselves and other people. Who do we save? And so, this reminds me of a famous quote from my country’s National Hero:

“One only dies once, and if one does not die well, a good opportunity is lost and will not present itself again.

Finding love at this time is dangerous, however fate can’t be stopped. We naturally look for sunlight and turn our heads towards it. Pino finds escape with Anna-Marta amidst the war and together they create their own fantasy. It’s tragic, just as what you’d expect from a war novel however the author manages to keep his audience engaged. Although I must admit I did feel like some parts of the book lacked power where it’s needed. Nonetheless, I still learned so much and that’s really all that matters.

Overall, my rating is four stars for its potential and the symphony of love, history, and rich culture. Not recommended for people who aren’t interested in this genre. I do however highly recommend it to WWII fanatics like me. You just have to read this book.

Travelling to The End

orphantraincover-001Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline

My Rating: 5 stars

When pain becomes unbearable, we sometimes think that the answer is to stop feeling any attachment towards anyone else that could potentially hurt us. This book reminds us that it is simply how life gives us lessons. We live, we come across people that come and go, we hurt with goodbyes, we experience and then we learn.

I didn’t know what to expect from this book, but I ended up gaining so much. Looking around me now, I see what I’ve taken for granted. I see now that somehow, even amidst adversities, it could be so much more worse. There is always a good side, even when you can’t find one anymore, because there always comes a point where we choose not to believe and hope because we know it will hurt and cause more difficulties, and yet life forces us to keep going on and somehow we thrive even with nothing.

Both Vivian and Molly felt like outcasts; they’ve both developed ways to cope and survive. For a long time, the past has stayed up in the attics of our homes, but it’s never too late to go up there and relive the past; feel the fresh cuts of memories and be surrounded by ghosts of people who have touched our lives. This is what this book is about: the games of fate and destiny.

I believe that children who have seen and felt the cruelty of the world and the people, are forever changed to somewhere being more than mature, but experienced. These children now know better than to imagine fantasies and interlace them into reality; they expect the worst and brace themselves. There is no longer foolish expectations that things will come easy, instead they go about expecting and facing obstacles in their paths.

We never know what comes next; Life is full of the unknown. But expect that it will be difficult, it will be an adventure, and it will be painful. There is always a journey to an end that is inevitable. It now all depends on how we travel.

Getting in Touch With Our Innerselves

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Anything is Possible by Elizabeth Strout

My rating: 5 stars

Growing up, I imagined myself being older and the freedom that came with age. I thought adults were free. I was so terribly wrong. In fact they’re so imprisoned by all their regrets, the layers and layers of deceit and expectations that define and restrict who they want to be.

It’s indeed difficult to find real people these days. Everywhere you look, every one looks a like —the resemblance is extremely striking; clothes, mannerisms, speech, everything is copied. There’s no originality.

It’s like we forgot what we were all once like. We omitted the embarrassing parts, the dirty pasts and called them shameful. We reinvented ourselves; escaped the past and turned our backs forever. Nothing is again the same. We’re simply a whole person after we’ve fought, won, lost our triumphs.

This book really draws out the real me. I connected with every character, even when my current life situations are far from theirs. Most of all, I remembered —no, I understood that things won’t always be the same. Common knowledge, I know. But there comes a point where we forget that things can change; that anything is possible. For a time we feel trapped and hopeless. We get consumed by our past and our presents; our fears let us forget and miss possibilities and chances, all because we fear so much in this world: failure, disappointment, pain, suffering. But this book reminds us that we’ve got a power to change our fates.

Lucy got out but she has never forgotten. And in this way has she really gotten freedom? The book points out that adversity isn’t an excuse to turn out bad. In fact the book portrays sufferings as inspiration. All form of self-doubt, self-hate, is all a chance to become a better version of ourselves. This book is life itself —what it means to be part of this world; Perspective. I think this book gave so much perspective, both literally and figuratively. I lost count of how many people told their story and how they saw it, how they got affected by it, and yet everything was so seamlessly connected. There was no point in the entire book where I questioned or doubted that this is real life, because this is what happens.

I’m likely never getting over this book, nor will I ever forget it. Because after turning the last page, I find myself just staring in space and thinking about all of it. Not just about me, but in general. Most books would make me think and question my life, this one made me understand life.  I’m sitting here thinking about how everything happens so fast and yet so subtle; every change of season is barely noticeable. Unless snow starts to fall and then flowers begin to bloom, and only then do we realize. But even then, it can still so easily be missed.

I’m here thinking about how amazing life is, considering how painful, troublesome and dramatic it all is. Because it’s true, life is such a drama but this book will remind us that it could be worse. But it doesn’t make you feel guilty, the way we’d feel once we realize  other people are starving and don’t have a proper roof above their heads; it only makes you aware that life is what you make it —and this, we should take to heart and never forget.

I also realize I should likely try to summarize this book but seriously no form of summarization will ever prepare you for the journey this book will take you. And trust me, it will take you so far. The ending was wonderful. It made me realize that what we want from this world is so far from what we really need: Connection. Being alone is so sad, especially amidst adversities. Keeping all those things bottled up is so destructive. But at the same time you ask yourself if it’s reasonable to complain about? This book really made me feel less alone. It was like meeting an old friend who knew me from the day I was born, to the days I found hard to live, and to the days I found strength to keep going. There are times hope is nowhere to be found, and Lucy Barton really could’ve just ended up repeating the cycle but instead she got out and lived the life she wanted. She is an inspiration, a symbol of hope, and the proof that things will be okay even when you think things are at its worst, it actually isn’t and things will get better.

There is so much this book has to offer, just like life has so much to offer aside from all the flowing of tears and pricking of hearts. Life can be so much more. Elizabeth Strout knows and understands life and everything that comes attached to it and she’s here sharing it with us. I’m so lucky to have received an Advanced Reader’s Copy for this book. Thank you, Random House. I am so honored and proud to know of an author who walks outside the grid and still survives.

Love Me Please

​See What I Have Done by Sarah Schmidt

My Rating: 3 stars


“I stepped towards him, hoping that being closer to him would release me, make me happy again, I want my daddy to love me.”


There are a lot we need in this life, but only one thing is most essential that we are lost without it. Love. As children, we seek our parents’ love, as adults we seek our love’s love and as parents ourselves, we seek our children’s love. 

See What I Have Done has perfectly portrayed what happens without love. To live trapped behind walls of torment, years of wrong, unsaid words, and dreams unlived. I’ve read about the Lizzie Borden Murder Case and have been more confused by what really happened, who really did it. In reality, Lizzie Borden remained the prime suspect however due to circumstances, was aquited. However Sarah Schmidt may have brought a whole new perspective here and honestly the last line on the acknowledgements gave me a chill. What does that mean, exactly??

Although it makes sense that perhaps a third person was involved however was not able to get the job done, I can’t make sense of it all. I don’t get what showing a piece of Abby’s skull and the axe head do anything to confirm Emma’s doubts? Would she really just believe a total stranger? She didn’t even confirm with her Uncle. But Emma always knew and suspected Lizzie, but her childhood promises kept her bound as it always had. She promised their mother she wouldn’t leave Lizzie alone and that she would take care and love her as long as she lived —something she had done until the very end. 

The murder of the pigeons likely was what made Lizzie snap. It actually happened in the actual case and I found it very morbid. Honestly the entire book is very morbid. But it’s really not new to have children murder their parents in cold blood. You see, abuse whatever the form, causes so much twisted thoughts and dark emotions from people especially at such a young age where we are not certain what we should do about all the darkness that lurks. It’s no brainer that a no good home as Bridget so delicately put, brings about no good at all. Our surroundings help shape us.

I felt for Emma and her yearning to be free and Lizzie and her yearning to please. I enjoyed the multiple points of view —all carefully unraveling the dark thoughts behind a person’s face. Sarah Schmidt made my heart race in anticipation. A part of me wished Lizzie hadn’t done it and that she thought of another way. But perhaps at that time, there was nothing else she could think of but putting an end to all her sufferings. The book made it clear that she’s become mental and weird in her ways, who wouldn’t? Perhaps everything else broke and was lost. She lost it.

Thank you Grove Atlantic for granting me an ARC of this book via NetGalley. Three stars for keeping me at the edge of my seat, for the eloquent writing that made me feel, fear, and vividly watch as love proves to determine and break a person’s being. 

Love Never Dies

 My Life as A Bench by Jaq Hazell

My Rating: 3 stars

In love, there are always walls; steps to climb and obstacles to overcome. I’ve read books about lovers being separated by social status, age, sex, race, time, and distance. But books like this reminds us that in the end, love wins. 

This book is about Ren and Gabe; how we find love so unexpectedly and lose it just as easily, and yet it’s still there. At the age of seventeen, with her entire life ahead of her, Ren dies unexpectedly and finds herself as a bench. Yet even as a bench, Ren still feels her love for Gabe and struggles to relive every moment from the day they met, the love they shared, to the fate that drove them apart. 

The bench thing is an odd concept really, but I suppose nothing is completely gone as long as someone cares enough to remember. However I’m not one to believe in spiritual possessions and the like. I do believe that people seek peace whether in this world or beyond so it does somehow make sense. Perhaps I just don’t think about what happens afterwards. 

The book further tackles subjects on family, friends, and overall life as a teenager. There was a point in the book that talked about teenagers and their self-absorption. Honestly, I don’t think it’s just teenagers. I think everyone is self-absorbed in a way. It’s just that teenagers are more rebellious and find the need to fight against things that they don’t agree with. 

I’m not a very romantic person either and honestly romance isn’t even my genre. But it was easy to fly through the chapters of this book and involuntarily cross my fingers that love proves to defy gravity, break logic, and even crossover the spiritual world. I did not find the need to roll my eyes, so for those who are tired of clichés this could be your next read.

Overall, 3 stars. I love the cover, the title just screams supernatural. I won’t lie however, it was a tad bit predictable. Maybe that’s just me finding the cliché in every romantic story whether in real life or in fiction. And yet it didn’t become boring; the writing style made it easy to keep going and to finish the book. The characters felt a bit bland however, even though the concept is fresh; the book really needs more building up. There was no climax, although the ending was satisfying thank goodness. I understand it must’ve been a challenge to write in a perspective of a bench so kudos to the author for making it work and seem so natural.

I was lucky to receive an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. I recommend this book to hopeless romantics, to people who have felt love and grief, and to the rest of us who have forgotten what it felt like and what it means to live, to love, and to die.