I’m Not a Good Conversationalist

I wonder if I said the wrong things. I’m not the best conversationalist. There are too many thoughts going on inside my head that I struggle to organize and comprehend. I try to think before I say anything, that’s why it take me a bit of awhile to reply. But at the same time, I don’t want to take too much time and make it obvious that I’m thinking. Someone once told me that I spoke so slow and soft that they need to lean in closer to hear me. It’s as if I’m not used to speaking. In all honesty, that’s the truth. I rarely speak my mind. I recite scripts that aren’t even needed to be written.

I find myself dumbstruck whenever I’m asked how I feel or what I think and I’m reluctant to answer with the truth. I’m too caught up with thinking about what answer they want to hear, that I barely even know what and how I really want to respond. And this is what makes me a bad conversationalist.

I’d rather listen than talk. I’d rather think, than talk at all. I wish I could say exactly what’s on my mind. But when I’m given the opportunity to, I come up blank. Too much thoughts flood my mind and then nothing. I can’t say anything, I even stutter. And that is the worst. Because this means that I’m not in control of the situation. That is the absolute worst.

Give me an hour to think and attempt to organize my thoughts and form them into words. I’m going mad with all the clutter inside my head. Writing is the only way to clean it up and store it somewhere. But even after then, I’m still a mess.

I’m not a good conversationalist,

I’m quiet and shy,

I prefer sitting quietly,

Than trying to converse pointlessly.

 

But don’t misunderstand,

I want to talk to you,

I just don’t know how.

 

I try but fail miserably every time,

I just wish it was easy,

Like how other girls can say,

Whatever that’s on their heads.

 

It would be better if,

I could just write the things,

I want to say,

Maybe I’d be able to say things,

The right way.

 

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